rest in peace, love

I am so thankful Marshmallow died one week before Adrian. Had he not, I would've never shared that last hug, that last kiss, as husband and wife, with him. Our love was still there. But part of him was missing. I know why. I know more now about how he was struggling to keep his business going, how he never took a paycheck, how he robbed Peter to pay Paul/his employees.

It's no secret we were having troubles, but it was never 'I don't like you or love you anymore'. It was more 'let's move onward and upward' and 'let's get past this.' But there were some monsters in the house with us. Ultimately, those monsters led to his death IMO. He was overworked, underpaid, under appreciated. He couldn't catch a break with the schools he was working with, and because of his past, he didn't ask for help. He was tired. So very tired. He now is at peace, as we all mourn. 

Shine on us A. We miss you so. So much more that you'll ever know...

Maya Angelou’s ‘When Great Trees Fall’

 When great trees fall,
rocks on distant hills shudder,
lions hunker down
in tall grasses,
and even elephants
lumber after safety.

When great trees fall
in forests,
small things recoil into silence,
their senses
eroded beyond fear.

When great souls die,
the air around us becomes
light, rare, sterile.
We breathe, briefly.
Our eyes, briefly,
see with
a hurtful clarity.
Our memory, suddenly sharpened,
examines,
gnaws on kind words
unsaid,
promised walks
never taken.

Great souls die and
our reality, bound to
them, takes leave of us.
Our souls,
dependent upon their
nurture,
now shrink, wizened.
Our minds, formed
and informed by their
radiance,
fall away.
We are not so much maddened
as reduced to the unutterable ignorance
of dark, cold
caves.

And when great souls die,
after a period peace blooms,
slowly and always
irregularly.  Spaces fill
with a kind of
soothing electric vibration.
Our senses, restored, never
to be the same, whisper to us.
They existed.  They existed.
We can be.  Be and be
better.  For they existed.